View Full Version : JOKES

24-05-06, 05:03 PM
What would you call a rock band with Wendell Sailor and John Hopoate in

ANSWER - Powderfinger!!!


24-05-06, 06:58 PM

27-05-06, 01:28 PM
Five Reasons Not to Be a P*nis

1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole.
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

02-06-06, 12:26 AM
6. Your best friend is a pussy?

04-07-06, 11:35 AM

now every1 head to the milkbar shop

08-07-06, 11:53 AM
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this
house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we
can afford it".

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past, your room last night and
I heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you
to wait because she was coming too.....and I'll be damned if I'm
staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"

08-07-06, 02:01 PM
haah that guy in your sig rawks!

12-07-06, 07:39 PM
Q: Why did God create Adam before Eve ?

A: So he has a chance to speak.

Q:Whats the similarity between a Hurricane and a woman ?

A: They both moan like hell when they are coming and take the house when they leave.

13-07-06, 07:11 AM
A boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heart beat! Are you nuts?!?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied.
"Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a poof!"

13-07-06, 09:26 PM
A boy when home with his report card and his father noticed an F for Maths.
So he asked the son what happened ?

Boy -- "Well"
Boy -- "The teacher asked me what is 2 x 3 ? and I said 6"
Father -- "Thats right !"
Boy -- "Then she asked me what is 3 x 2 ?"
Father -- "Whats the fucking difference !!!??"
Boy -- "Thats what I said !!!!"

08-08-06, 03:21 PM
One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to ask his super
Hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.

"Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in
Comicland. Why don't you try her?" replied Batman.

"I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want to take advantage of her."

"Damn shame," said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.

Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the
Green Lantern patching up a building. He flew down.

"Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor,
who's the best babe in comicland?"

"Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in Comicland, why don't you try her?"

"Well, we're sort of friends," Superman said, "but I didn't realize she
Had gotten around so much" and he flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart and up in the air. Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here."

So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone.

Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed __expression. "What the hell was that??" she exclaimed.

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, "but my ass is
Killing me."

08-08-06, 08:26 PM

08-08-06, 10:36 PM

09-08-06, 07:55 AM

13-09-06, 01:39 PM
A Public school teacher was arrested today at Sydney Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set
square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by Federal Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Downer said.

"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x`
and `y` and refer to themselves as `unknowns, `but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister ,John Howard, speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, "If God had
wanted us to have better Weapons of Maths Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

13-09-06, 05:39 PM
lol all these jokes are kingshit!

13-09-06, 07:24 PM
One day a 12 year old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the window was wound down.

"I'll give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car", said the driver.

"No way, get stuffed", replied the boy.

"How about a bag of lollies and $10?" asked the driver.

"I said no way", replied the irritated youngster.

"What about a bag of juicy lollies and FIFTY dollars eh?", quizzed the driver, still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.

"No, I'm not getting in the fricken car!" answered the boy.

"Okay, okay, I know what you want. I'll give you $100 and a bag of lollies", the driver offered.

"NO!", screamed the boy.

"What will it take to get you in the car?" Asked the driver with a long sigh.

The boy replied, "Listen Dad, you bought the Volvo, you live with it..

21-09-06, 02:25 PM
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see
right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm
them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the

A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you?
But consider this - it gives a man pleasure. He'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps